Nudelles oooops

"What it must be like to have a friend whose mere existence in the world, each time you contemplated it, was a kind of joyful homecoming...Of what it must be like to want somebody's beauty so much your whole body strained to lay hold of it, bear it aloft and fly into the future with it in your arms."
Robert Dessaix

I like the way he put that into words.

I have a miserably pants sniffly cold. I am sneezing all over my stuffy office where the air conditioner has broken and my window won't open.

I have to take all my clothes off on camera this evening and tomorrow night with 3 other people. That's embarrassing...I AM getting paid for it and no its not porn. I'm scared to eat today and bought an apple and rice crackers for lunch but have spent the last 2 hours fantasising about lunch with my friend who is working in the office downstairs designing new merchandise for VB like camoflauge aviator sunglasses and gross slogan tshirts. There is a place round the corner that make delicious vietnamese noodle soups. I hate trying not to eat its so fucking BORING. Noodle soups can't be fattening...

I have always been terrified of how much weight a camera puts on. This seems like a good experiment a la reality check on how healthy my body image truly is. Last night I duly coated myself in chocolatey fake tan in an attempt to go down slightly on the poundage. I smell not dissimilar to a coconut pudding in the clear light of day and only feel ever so slightly braver about stripping down to my birthday suit. One of the dudes who will be joining me in this venture I know rather well as well as 'he is a very close friend of my ex as well as the current squeeze' kind of way. That seems to make it slightly more embarrassing. The whole thing feels kind of exposing...

What can I say?...apart from it seemed like a good idea at the time...