all my tangled sheets

beautiful beautiful hedwig

2006-08-29T03:43:00.000-07:00

Everyone who missed hedwig and the angry inch in sydney must hope and pray that it makes its way back here in the not too distant future.Went on clsoing night sunday and every thing about it Blew My Mind. Its been ages since I've been in a show where at the end the crowd without thinking twice literally unanimously leapt to their feet with big gummy shiny smiles stuck all over their faces and the room completely erupted with joy. Outrageously talented folks and Iota has to have the most divine set of shoulders ever sculpted in the history of humankind. beautiful beautiful..Raving..? yes perhaps just a smidge. All melbournites are being graced with its presence next week. go go go.

I like a lot of stuff at the moment.

my hometown is opening up to me again with more possibilities and is slowly but surely ceasing to be filled with nasty demons chasing me around old haunts...

Nudelles oooops

2006-08-24T18:47:00.000-07:00

"What it must be like to have a friend whose mere existence in the world, each time you contemplated it, was a kind of joyful homecoming...Of what it must be like to want somebody's beauty so much your whole body strained to lay hold of it, bear it aloft and fly into the future with it in your arms."
Robert Dessaix

I like the way he put that into words.

I have a miserably pants sniffly cold. I am sneezing all over my stuffy office where the air conditioner has broken and my window won't open.

I have to take all my clothes off on camera this evening and tomorrow night with 3 other people. That's embarrassing...I AM getting paid for it and no its not porn. I'm scared to eat today and bought an apple and rice crackers for lunch but have spent the last 2 hours fantasising about lunch with my friend who is working in the office downstairs designing new merchandise for VB like camoflauge aviator sunglasses and gross slogan tshirts. There is a place round the corner that make delicious vietnamese noodle soups. I hate trying not to eat its so fucking BORING. Noodle soups can't be fattening...

I have always been terrified of how much weight a camera puts on. This seems like a good experiment a la reality check on how healthy my body image truly is. Last night I duly coated myself in chocolatey fake tan in an attempt to go down slightly on the poundage. I smell not dissimilar to a coconut pudding in the clear light of day and only feel ever so slightly braver about stripping down to my birthday suit. One of the dudes who will be joining me in this venture I know rather well as well as 'he is a very close friend of my ex as well as the current squeeze' kind of way. That seems to make it slightly more embarrassing. The whole thing feels kind of exposing...

What can I say?...apart from it seemed like a good idea at the time...

bumps in the night

2006-08-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

The other day i woke up with a motley collection of bruises all over my body. A large fingerprint sized one stamped onto my right bicept as if I was 4 and my mother had hauled me to my room.On my left knee were three mushy ones ina circle and on my inner thigh one shaped like a dark purple thundercloud.

I do bruise easily but 11 days later traces still remain and I can't for the life of me remember how I got them.

Note to new friends I am prone to terrible alcohol blackspots that enable me to lose entire chunks of evenings..we can be talking hours..and in these lost hours I am always surprised that I (apparently) do not give the impression of being overtly intoxicated. Tipsy, giggly, a little more bolshy but not of the legless throw me over your shoulder and carry me home variety.

Strangely I did end up at 'the guy i'm kind of seeing/sleeping with/falling hard for/restraining my self from contacting in weak moments' bed but was not entirely sure how I got there nor why i chose to venture there at 4am and I lost two favourite bracelets somehow along the way. He told me in the morning as coolly as a cucumber that I called him sounding rather agitated about something and he made space in la futon. He continues to find my exploits quite entertaining and was the one who pointed out the unsightly bruises as the dawn light seeped its way through his dingy blinds. I know its totally immature of me to still be finding myself in situation such as this but if i was him i would have been a little more than mildly perturbed by this state of affairs.

Things I am puzzling over today: I have been asked to be in a play that will require my character to lift up her skirt and urinate onto the stage. Is it possible to fake this? And if not, will I really have to pee a puddle onto a wooden floor in front of a paying audience. Loath as I am to admit it and as much as I endeavour to be a risk taking actor this conundrum has me a little curious...

why is it cool to surf the net to my hearts content at my lonely receptionist desk but considered totally poor form to peruse my book?

Manning le telephono

2006-08-20T22:26:00.000-07:00

Working in a trendy design office in north sydney for a few days as a corporate receptionist biiaatch.

If this is what I had to do to come to terms with the fact that I am actually IN LOVE WITH MY LIFE just the way it is AWAY from the 9to5 doldrums then I guess I'm getting something out of this.

Fluroscent light is a horrid invention and is slowing eeeking out my braincells and making me feel tired, cranky and wrinkly.

The boss guy came in before and barked at one of the girls that "we need some more traction happening around here" WTF? I in turn slunk back into my corner and discretley looked up the word 'traction' on the net dictionary and am still puzzling over said instruction.

I have been busting myself in daydreams all day about some wonderful extraordinarily slow sex I had on sunday morning, everytime I remember I actually start blushing at my desk facing the wall and get all these little flutters in my stomach. What a joy to find a man who likes fucking softly. Friend A has been insisting that I have the 'feelings' talk shortly or I'm going to turn further into a neurotic mess of paranoia, suspicion and bipolar proud moodswings..

Friend B went home with a guy over the weekend who changed into pyjamas before hopping into his bed with her and then in the morning made her an omelette. Sitting in my favourite cafe on saturday afternoon she literally bowled in the door still wearing electric blue slinky satin dress with huge quantities of kohl round each eye socket bouncily well fed. He gave good flanelette cuddles apparently..

and then this happpened

2006-08-17T17:57:00.000-07:00

text message recieved from a friend the other night post a lovely night out at the theatre where my continuing farce of a love life reared its ugly ugly head again.

"Had a splendid evening with you x. It's nice to know someone else has a life as twisted and screwed up as mine. See you Sat!"

This is what may happ when you are busted prancing around a theatre foyer with a (platonic) man at the theatre wearing your ex's shirt and with sad eyes that speak of too long sobbing. not because you were left but because you hate yourself for tearing out a mans heart stamping on it squeezing out all its juices, salting it down and then tearing every muscle fibre out one by one before realising it may be time to grow up. And knowing now that everything thing bad, dishonest or destructive that ever happens to me in the realms of the L word I deservedly will recieve.

..Like begging someone to fuck me over which is pretty much the situation I have found myself in at present.

My ex grinning smugly informed me with arms crossed he has commenced a rigorous boxing schedule after the recent deaththroes of our break up. mm interesting.

Record of conversation between me and said party.

Me: Hi!
Him: hey...
Me: Ummm shit I'm wearing your shirt...ummm sorry.
Him: hmm oh yeah
Me:How are you?
Him: yeah yeah really really healthy. Doing A LOT of boxing training. feels good.
Me: wow well thats great...great..um
Him: (preceeded by a smirk) I've gotta pick up my tickets. see ya.

I felt physically nauseous throughout the entire play which happens to be because of a further complicating matter to this story that I daren't disclose for fear of unmasking identities and current bed mates.

Aaaah sydney.